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General Grumpyness Obesity cures
General Grumpyness Obesity cures
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We, who struggle with weight problem, have all reasons to feel optimistic now. Even though the obesity epidemic is growing, so is the number of weight loss experts and their miraculous cures. With all those wonderful remedies, diets and tips from the specialists and friends alike, some major healing surely must be just around the corner. Here are just a few of the most marvellous weight loss solutions I have heard: Tapeworm Get yourself infected with tapeworm by consuming tapeworm eggs. Maria Callas did it – or so they say – and she became thin. The tapeworm ate all her food and she got thinner and thinner as the tapeworm got longer and longer. The beauty of this method is that it is 100% natural, no chemicals. Just relax and let the nature do its job. Brilliant. Cabbage Eat only cabbage. This diet is going to cause a lot of intestinal gas, so it is best used by people living in rural areas, with wide, open spaces and lots of fresh air. Mind blowing results. At least blowing ones. Colon Flush Very popular in recent years. It is believed to cure just about everything, from bad breath to demonic possession (what inner demon would put up with this treatment?). It probably won´t help you lose any weight but at least it´s bound to annoy the tapeworm (from the Maria Callas cure), which by now has settled down in your intestines and which you haven´t been able to get rid of so far. Hypnosis Choose a serious psychologist. He will hypnotise you and tell you that each hour that goes by you are losing weight and that you are not hungry. You will wake up and feel like a new person – at least for a couple of hours. Mind boggling. Dog Get yourself a dog. As you walk the dog, you are going to lose weight. Most likely outcome: You won´t lose any weight, but the dog is going to get overweight too and you two are going to compete for the sofa, as there is not enough space there for both of you. Oh, and the dog is going to get infected with your tapeworm (the next generation of it). Spiritual SolutionsGrowing in popularity all the time. Not only do you heal your body, you save your soul too. You can only win.
Order a beautiful, thin body and the Universe will give it to you. You can get whatever you want this way. Money, fame, beauty and health, love and happiness, success, a big house, a flashy car – anything. Ingenious. If it doesn´t work for you, you probably haven´t done it right. This is an esoteric subject and it requires an enlightened mind. You will have to raise your kundalini first. Or raise your vibration perhaps. Raise something or other in you, for sure. Learn how to levitate – this will guarantee that all parts of you are properly raised.
Awe inspiring stuff. If the sacred message – heavens forbid – does not make any sense to you, you are probably not ready for it yet. Your vibration is low, your energy is unclean, perhaps you haven´t meditated enough or there is something wrong with you. Whatever it is, let´s hope you haven´t offended any of the glorious entities with your impure presence.
Your aura is sick and that´s why you put on weight. An expert in aura healing will fix that for you – painlessly. He will do some strange things to the air around you and both your aura and the rest of you will be cured. If not, it will at least amuse you and keep your interest for a while to watch the procedure and it has an additional advantage of being quite harmless. Your overweight, tapeworm-infested dog will enjoy it too. He will think that it´s a fun game. Copyright © 2008 Aida Gundersen 28 April 2008  Parts of the horoscope expressed: Mercury conjunct Pluto and Uranus in Virgo in 6th house Ascendant in Taurus Jupiter in the 1st house |
| Last Updated on Thursday, 09 April 2009 15:43 |
Home General Grumpyness Obesity cures
General Grumpyness Obesity cures