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Strange Reality An Old Memory
Strange Reality An Old Memory
Feb
04
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It was a long time ago. It could be as far back in time as before time was created. Before this universe came into being. I was a small part of a much bigger whole. I existed in perfect harmony with everything else around me. I was accepted as I was. It was true acceptance. I was loved for what I was. That love was not distorted. There was nothing wrong with me, nothing that needed to be fixed. There was no need to teach me anything. I had an instant access to all the knowledge I wanted or needed. I knew no fear, I was safe. I had nothing to worry about, all my needs were taken care of. There was no loneliness - I was always together with everything else in existence. There was no good or evil there, no right or wrong - it was before opposites were created. There was no judgement or condemnation. Everything, which existed was included and accepted. It was a paradise - a true one. I had never known anything else. I didn´t know if there could be anything else. If there was any other existence possible, it would have to be a very strange one. I was blissfully happy there. For a long time I didn´t know any other state. Then things gradually started to change. When I first noticed it, I was mystified. It was a new feeling, I had never experienced anything like that before. I was still blissfully happy but I also started to feel a slight… discomfort of some sort. The feeling was somewhat unpleasant, but it was so weak, that I decided to ignore it. It didn´t go away and eventually it got stronger. It continued to get stronger until I could no longer ignore it. It came to the point, when I wasn´t blissfully happy anymore, I felt too much of that annoying discomfort for that. I would never have guessed that it was possible for me to feel this way. What was wrong? It felt as if I was gradually outgrowing my favourite clothes or growing out of my beloved home. What used to make me happy, was not enough any more. Something was missing and I felt more and more desire for it. It was no longer satisfactory to be a part of something, not even a part of that wonderful everything. I felt an increasing need to become somebody in my own right. I missed things that I had never known before, like boundaries. I wanted an identity of my own. I craved something that would be only mine and nobody else´s. I wanted to become myself. I was shown a way, which I would have to travel. I could see almost all of it in front of me. It was so incredibly long, that I could hardly see the end of it, but I could see, that there was an end - if I made it that far. There were no guarantees for succeeding. As I was studying the way, which seemed almost infinite, I became discouraged. What I saw in front of me was so difficult, painful, scary and long-lasting, that I started to doubt if I could make it to the end. I was told that I would have to forget everything I knew, forget who I was and the truth, that I used to live. Instead, I would consistently be taught lies about everything, until I found my way back to the truth inside of me. I was to receive distorted love, which did more harm than good, so that I would never know, what real love was, until I found it within. I would be taught by all kinds of experts how I should be, so that I wouldn´t know how to be myself, until I stopped believing those experts more than I believed myself. I was to live in fear, until I understood that I was safe. I would be let down by others, so that I could learn to take responsibility for myself. I would be forced as far away as possible from who I really was, so that I could find my true self within. I asked myself if it was even possible for me to complete such journey. I questioned whether it was worth it. I tried to go back to what used to be my life. But the bliss would not come back and the uncomfortable feeling only grew stronger. Soon, I was back, studying the way ahead. It wasn´t straight, it looked like an enormous semicircle. I couldn´t see the end of it clearly, because it was so far away. Of the little I saw of it, it looked like the end was some of… the same as beginning, but not quite the same. I focused most on the almost infinite way ahead of me. I hesitated for a long time, until it became clear to me that some irrevocable change had happened and that it wasn´t possible for me to go back to what had been. I procrastinated as long as I could, then, eventually, I was on my way. As I was about to begin my journey, I couldn´t see how I could possibly complete it. It felt quite overwhelming. Copyright © 2008 Aida Gundersen 12 September 2008 Parts of the horoscope active: Sun in Libra, conjunct Autonomy, conjunct Union Sun conjunct the Super Galactic Center Sun opposite Spartacus Neptune conjunct Memoria, conjunct the Descendant Aida in Aquarius, in the 11th house, Retrograde Aida square Neptune Mercury sextile Neptune Paradise in Pisces, in the 12th house Chiron in Pisces, in the 12th house The South Node conjunct the Galactic Center Background picture credit: S. Beckwith(STScI) Hubble Heritage Team, (STScI/AURA), ESA, NASA |
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Strange Reality An Old Memory